(excerpt from: We followed the butterflies)
I reached for my pen and dipped it towards the crisp, blank piece of paper believing I was armed with a mind full of thoughts and dreams, pain and tears – some funnies of my own and laughter, laughter masking the wounds….
I am good on my own, pulling from my soul and creating my magic but, on this day I was in need of inspiration, a bit of eye candy – a “send chills up my core” type of vision. I scanned the room, looked under the couch, table and my skirt (just in cases) and saw nothing – nada -I noticed he was no longer here, he left without a sound. He dissipated into thin air! was it all a dream? a manifestation of my desires? I do not know the answers to my questions, all I do know for sure is that he left, and in doing so, he was killing my vibe, softly, yet with a surreal deafening sound of that annoying white noise you’d hear as a child when the TV was left on and the networks turned off, he did this, with the silence of his absence.
{CAMINANDO FUI BESANDO TUS PALABRAS}
My Muse, My Beautifully Handsome, I’ll lick your face kinda person muse, has departed. I felt all the emotions, I allowed all of those prickly little fuckers in, then greeted each one, and bid my adieu’s, accordingly. Such adulthood huh?
{AY QUE DARLE TIEMPO AL TIEMPO}
I really never had any need for a muse, for my brilliant creativity poured forth from my elaborate imagination like a grand waterfall but, you know…. shit happens… and when such a calming spirit enters your realm with such “BAMM” – You find yourself trapped in the hunters net, missing things in your core, that were never needed before.
I was very curious as to the hurricane of emotions over this “fleeting affair” as I like to call it. why was I suffocating in such feelings, like Margarita does not do this, AT ALL. Then I looked down as the pen dipped onto the paper and notice the slant in the letters, the shortness in the story and I felt a pang of sadness, she always walked with her heart on her freakin’ forehead, we pleaded with her since forever to put it back in, to hide it, that not everyone deserved affection, admiration, dedication, truism and Love from her. I spoke in length with her about shielding her heart from those who would never value her worth and just when I thought she understood the depth of our session and was about to pat myself as I hugged her for the healing 20 seconds, after that precious moment of infinite warmth, she turned to me and said:
“I feel out loud, I believe in expressions of the soul, of laughter from the core, of freedom dancing from the spirit. I believe in touch, in smell, in taste, in feelings. I believe in my essence, in my aura, in my vibrations. I simply believe in me, so I share, expecting nothing in return and that is not to say that I won’t cry, that I won’t be sadden or that I won’t miss his heartbeat. it simply means, that I am of the Universe and that my heart is just as vast. I will always be true to my Spirit.”
I sat, very still, filled with all colorful emotions and watched Philomena make her exit. I smiled, because only she allows her heart to be so expressive in her moments. I can say in all honesty, with much admiration, that it is she who has taught our tribe the true meaning of “Owning our Now and Living in our Moments” and I am at peace because I am still learning to allow myself to accept things as they are and to know when to move on without explanations. For those who really know Margarita knows how she demands the “why’s” in detail, for Margarita is a true student of life who revels in learning everything that reaches her soul.
Our Muse has departed without any why’s and we are okay, I say okay because we are ready to navigate the murky waters until we reach clarity on our terms.
{le pregunte al tiempo, que hacer para aliviar mi dolor? El tiempo respondio… dejame pasar.} –
Magically Orgasmic 