I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I smiled at the wonders of my curves. I was wonderfully designed to be beautiful with all the perfect imperfections of my temple. I carried life within and during their development, cracks were formed, and as I look at the masterpiece they created I continue to be in awe. I kinda look like a shabby chic project in the tummy area but, to me it is proof that two miracles began life from within.
Sure, I can mold my temple into a strong statuesque structure once again, don’t get me wrong, I did put in the work and the results were phenomenal but, something always halted my progress and the pounds crept back on and here we are back in the trenches. I say this because for many years of this struggle I would allow myself to feel hopeless and seemed to have hated myself a bit more. I realized one day that regardless of my weight, I had always been the strongest person I knew, I, regardless of the situation, rose above it all and continued to move forward, my sorrow, my grief, my anger and disappointments never really knocked me on my ass. I ALWAYS ROSE ABOVE IT. One day, before even getting out of bed, I began to speak to myself in a low, caring voice, I heard myself apologizing for the abandonment, for the abuse, for the lack of self-love.
Then one day two years ago, I awoke to the sun peaking through my blinds and remembered that I was alone in my bed, that I had to begin living for me, and to do this, I had to begin loving me in my present state, accept where I was at that moment and begin the work with acceptance, acknowledgement and most importantly with LOVE.
I am looking at my reflection in the mirror and yes, I see very clearly the imperfections, the extra weight in my mid-section, my jiggly thighs, my wide hips and my smile, I see it all with clarity because my eyes are open wide, my heart is open wide and my mind is at peace.
Allow me to share a little of me; I love my smile because it accentuates my high cheekbones. I love the silkiness of my long black hair, reminding me of the gypsy that lives in my spirit. I love the smallness of my wrist as it compliments my long fingers, the hands of an artist. My breast continue in battle with gravity but hey, they still look marvelous, especially dressed in pearls. My waist is small and I love to show it off, when I am not dressed in layers, what can I say, I love to feel flowy. My hips are wide giving the illusion of a big ass – “it’s just an illusion.” My skin, what to say of my skin, it is soft, naturally silky soft and I find comfort in my armor.
To say that I have learned to love me as a whole is to say a lot. At this very special age of fifty, I have learned to believe that I am beautiful just as I am and work from there. I am in the process of becoming the complete woman on the outside that I, without a doubt know that I am on the inside – I am just under construction. I am the architect of my structure. Many might look at me in this moment and have their opinions of what I need to change so that society may deem me attractive but, I say fuck ’em all – I am the Gladiator Guru, I am Magically Orgasmic and I most definitely am fucking Unapologetically Courageous. I am under construction and I will resume my construction accordingly, my way, for me.
I look at my reflection in the mirror and I smile back at the radiant, vivacious woman con el cuerpo de gitara sin las cuerda (with the shape of a guitar without the cords) and I blow her a kiss, this woman deserves to be kissed and hugged and desired and respected and appreciated and valued.
I teach self love because I learned to self love in my darkest hour, and if most do not recognize her strength, well then, that is their issue and their loss.
Every time I smile, I always end up laughing, and that mi gente is my favorite song.
Magically Orgasmic 