Her laughter filled every single room she graced. Contagious is how many described her laughter, others turned their nose and commented on how loud and at times obnoxious she was but, Isabella simply laughed a bit longer and of course, a bit louder for that is how she was, unapologetic to the opinions of others.
Today, her laugh was empty.
I went about my day and practically ignored her, a couple of glances her way, and an urge to ask what was wrong? and then as quickly, the urge dissipated and on I went as if nothing, yet knowing, I would pay the consequences later and most likely at a price I did not want to splurge on.
She looked across at me and said;
In what I have always believed to be my strongest moments, I know that in certain sorrows I will forever be just as fragile. At times I am grateful to feel nothing yet, at others, elated to feel everything. Simultaneously.
I silently lay looking up, trying to count and name every star but, I lose count because I become hypnotized by the glitter and the twinkle and the Magic. The seas have my utmost respect, it sits so still, calm and inviting, yet, can be so violent, chaotic and deceitful and I am obedient as I am but a lone gold fish.
I am the Sun, who willingly dies ever single night so that Mother Moon can take her place and caress us all with her glow.
Beautifully enough, on occasion, you can find me on a cloud lost in magnificent thoughts that a dreamer will take on her journey, and reach her destination, fulfilled yet empty, for I am a wanderer and my joys are in my journeys. The entire universe lives within me.
I continue to dream, wanting to see with clarity where the light within shines the brightest, so that I can be at peace with a difficult decisions that has weighed heavy in my heart.
I looked at Isabella and asked what decision? for she spoke nothing of it prior to this.
My ring she said looking down at her wedding band.
I don’t know what to do? I have inquired with several individuals but, for the most part they all say the same, “only you will know when you will be ready.”
I managed to embrace her, because to look at her would have shattered me into a million pieces, so we rocked together, back and forth as she continued her story…
I turn it clockwise, then counter clockwise. I remove it, clean it, place it on the table. I reach for it quickly and place it back on my finger.
- It has been two years, two months and five days (1 146 755.66 minutes) since becoming a widow.
- It has been, one year, two months and five days (620 806.894) that I have struggled with the decision of “when” to remove the ring.
My million dollar question is; When do I remove this ring? Why the struggle to do so? Then I wonder if maybe I am afraid that if I do so, the message I tell my Soul is that I am over him. Then, I think, maybe the message I must listen to is the one that reminds me that I have traveled through the road of grief long enough, and I am now ready to find solace in the Palace of Peace.
I looked her straight in the eyes and reminded her to;
- Breathe in the Beauty –
- Breathe out the Bullshit –
- You must Walk through your past as You heal in your Present.
- Choose to rebuild the shattered pieces
- YOU are WAR – YOU are a Bad-ass GODDESS
- SMILE
- Own your Widowhood – Wear your wounds sprinkled with glitter
- Just Do It!!!! YOU ARE READY.
”
Magically Orgasmic 