*******BECAUSE OF HIM WE ARE*******
My daddy was never present as a dad should be. He was not the dad that society deems worthy. He was absent for most of our births, our birthdays and probably all holidays. He wasn’t the “responsible” dad who assisted with financial responsibilities yet, oddly enough, he was fully present for our Spiritual growth. I know, I know, this might sound contradicting to many but, he was the gardner, he planted seeds of Wisdom, seeds of Knowledge, of making the right choice in a bad situation. He taught us all the art of observation, of reading the story of body language, of listening to the words not being said, of learning the facts that a friend is a $dollar$ in your pocket and if an acquaintance owes you money, to never chase after it. He would say: You bought his removal for a low price.
Papa taught us simple yet powerful lessons such as…
- Believe nothing of what you hear
- Believe half of what you see
- Believe everything of what you feel!!
He taught us to never be ashamed to love wholeheartedly and to always give a second chance, but to do so.. just once!!
Papi shared stories of his youth while living on the island of Puerto Rico, of the poverty and strict discipline and of love for family. He spoke of a profound love for his parents. His love for his siblings, of his six sisters and two brothers. He shared his reality of excitement and disappointment when he relocated to the mainland, and how he met my mother. He was super animated when he told stories, the sound effects and body movements were out of this world, so much so that we anxiously gathered to listen to them all over and over again, from childhood to adulthood, they always seemed new regardless of the hundreds of times we heard them.
If there is one certainty I have about my Papi, it was his adoration for his children, for all of us. Whenever we failed, failed at anything, big or small, he never judged, never made us feel less than, if anything he would explain through story what was not right with our choices as opposed to saying “you did this wrong”, he would share how we could have handled what was placed in our path with logic and continued to explain what we needed to learn from our said failures to ensure that it would not be repeated.
El Jardinero de mis Raices always planting seeds of wisdom through animated stories of times past and lessons learned. Of his many adventures with women of all walks of life and the production of an array of sons, of his two daughters. The importance of his insistence that we connect at every level and intertwine our lives like the process of inosculation. To forever be present for one another.
*******BECAUSE OF HIM WE ARE*******
Sometimes, well actually, many times a week I reach for my phone, to call him, or as I drive down familiar streets of my childhood, I find myself slowing down and scanning the crowd to see if I can catch a glimpse of him. I did this for the simple reason that I “Forgot to Forget” I forgot to forget the truth of my reality – That my Papi no longer walks among the living, that I cannot call him to say “Bendicion Papi” and to wait for his reply of “Dios the Bendigo mi hija”. That I can travel down his hang-out spots and sit and people watch but that he will never walk out of the crowd to kiss me on the forehead. That he will never soothe my pain with a story nor tell me how proud he is of me.
The Gardner of my Roots has moved on to join the ancestors and although this reality brings me comfort, it does nothing for my shattered core. I find no solace in his absence. I have not allowed my spirit to mourn nor my heart to cry. I have shattered.
(When you visit the past on impulse, emotions slap you hard – causing a trickle effect of melancholy and nostalgia and anger and LOVE to be in your spirit. To be honest, all of our emotions are driven by love, love happens to be the main ingredient like; love love, sad love, angry love, wounded love – love.)
This is what happens when I allow thoughts of Papi to hijack my moments, the realization of his departure sets in and I am like “Surprised” that he has past on.
I have adored my Papi since The forever of me.
- Today….. I am broken.
- Today….. I seek Peace.
- Today….. ahhhh Today I will simply breathe.
*******Papi, my gatekeeper – Papi, the Gardner of my Roots*******
WE ARE BECAUSE HE WAS
EL JARDINERO DE MIS RAICES
Magically Orgasmic 