Decision Making: the act or process of deciding something especially with a group of people.
I find myself sitting alone with my thoughts a bit more lately, thinking and praying and searching. My adult self has been the sole decision maker of matters of me, for I have forever been a decisive person. Not lately though, Lately I find myself tossing a life altering decision back and forth and it is driving me bananas. I cannot with certainty say that it has been “a” reason that holds me back, I know it is quite a few. I feel as though I have been sucked into a tornado and have been caught up in the whirlwind. Funny thing with that is, that it feels easy, as if better to be spinning in this chaos then it would be to be on solid ground, standing in the center of me and having to make a decision, and what if I make the wrong decision? Would I disappoint God?
Will my decision be followed by pain and trauma? Will I add suffering or bring peace? I can’t seem to get past the questions of yes? no? or when?
I find myself sitting alone with my thoughts a bit more lately, regarding matters of my soul and I search for strength and understanding. I search for me. Where have I gone? That part of me that knows? That part which heals? That part that does?
I previously wrote how;
“We all have demons we are battling, unmade decisions to ponder, one foot anxious for the new, the other stuck in what was.”
…and here I am, pondering a decision while owning my now – how confusing?!
I accept me as I am, knowing that there is ample room for growth, for powerful evolvement. I Know that I must hurt in order to heal and that every beginning has an end, that nothing lasts forever and that I will shed tears, even if I don’t want to.
I accept that life has been a wonder of gifts and curses, of laughter and screams, of peace and war. I accept and I accept and I have no other choice but to marvel at my me and the courage to accept it all.
I accept that I am a Passionate, Unapologetically Courageous, Magically Orgasmic, Enchanted Soul that is a vibrant energy vessel of Life, Love and Laughter.
Then, comes the days where I can’t even get off the recliner, when I don’t have the energy to eat or brush my hair. those days where Mother Moon can’t even entice me to come out and lift my head back as I proceed to spread my arms wide open and dance, with laughter pouring forth from my core. (my favorite moments by the way)
These days have been many lately and although I pray more and I meditate more, I continue to be unable to make a definitive decision, regarding her.
Pray for me.
Magically Orgasmic 