Happy Birthday

November 14th rolled around again, as the World seems to do.

I smiled through my tears, it felt good you know, the permission I recently granted myself. Permission to grieve, because quite frankly, I have run out of ‘fucks, fuck it, and all the fuck its’ to halt my tears, pain and then some more tears. Excuses that have expired, I guess because the tears have always been falling in silence, falling into my soul.

I miss you the same – The pain of missing you is the same – It’s the tears that seem different.

I find that they now come in Peace and Healing, funny thing is that in my today, as the tears roll down my cheeks, I can hear the tears whisper; “We told you, so many times before, that it is good for you to cry, we are here to heal you, you are safe.“

As I acknowledge this whisper, I feel as though the sun shines from within, through my Soul, shining Heavenly bright out through my pores with clarity. I smile through my tears for the past Three and a half years that you have been gone, and I remembered, that as long as I breathe nothing in life is ever too late to accomplish, to endure, to celebrate, not even your physical absence.

You are not here for me to hug, but, you are not gone, for your spirit lives within my heart, therefore, You Live – and this truth makes it beautiful in my world of tears and smiles and even through the “Fuck Its!!”

Happy Birthday Eric.