….and I joined him at the hip….

Today is his birthday, he would have been 52.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU”

Today I feel wonderful and at peace with my memories of him and with my life today.

I lived with the tears, the fears, the sorrow and anger the entire time ALS held us against our will. Although we were living the life, the marriage, living, walking and talking in our truths, it was NOT his choice, we did not get to design our lifestyle until we were forced to begin construction without a floor plan.

We did it though! There were days where I sounded like I developed Tourette’s Syndrome and I found myself yelling, whispering, crying out (FML) Fuck My Life.

Other days I was walking in the shadows of Mother Theresa, being totally of service – tending to all of his needs with grace, love and gratitude, I say needs because he hardly ever asked for any wants.

My development of Tourette’s was born when I felt helpless, when I did everything possible to have him healed, cured, relieved of this fucking beast, destructor of lives and thief of dreams.

We shared beautiful days more so than not. He and I would sing (out of tune since we are/were both tone deaf) we would share stories of our past that were funny or full of Victories, stories that were most likely saved for those specific moments, like a miracle – to get us through the darkness of it all.

Today, as I sit here celebrating his second birthday without him, I am experiencing many emotions: Peace, Sadness, Hope and Understanding. You see, I am comforted by all of those emotions because he journeyed to the afterlife on his terms. when I found him that morning I was devastated, screaming, running through the house, returning to him, scooping him up into my arms and calling for him to wake up. I did this about 7 times before I even called anyone.  Once I called the loved ones, I called hospice.

I remember with more clarity as I write this how, I had returned to the room and looked at him, like really looked at him through my tears and how my spirit was filled with the brightest ray of light as a gentle peace filled my being and I realized why, He had a beautiful and peaceful look, a look of a person who is in a profound slumber and I knew, I just knew at that moment, that Jesus came to our home to meet him, He was present at that most vulnerable moment for us humans and guided Eric home. Praise to God.

 

I would like remind all the living to – Love Loud, Love Deep, Love Hard, Love with no conditions for Love simply is…..

I finally found my Soul-Mate and just like a sappy love story, he died.

We were joined at the hips for many reasons  – “LOVE” being the main one.

Happy Birthday My Husband, My Friend, My Soul-Mate, My LaBaby –

Eric Chapman –

I will forever Love You.